The distance between my thoughts and reality...

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things

Phillipians 4:8

I must have read this Scripture countless times and heard several messages on it but the reality of its truth didn't really sink in until a few weeks ago. I must have been upset at something SO did but this thought came into my mind 'How could he love me and do this?' which was why I wrote the post on 'Making room for disappointment.' That thought made me ponder on how many similar statements passed through my mind from time to time, not only with SO but in my other relationships and areas as well. 'I think X did this because of Y and my response will be Z.' However if  my thought 'Y' is wrong, my response 'Z' is more likely to be wrong.

When I find myself out of sorts about something, I tell myself 'transform your life from sadness to joy by renewing your mind.' I COMMUNICATE instead of ASSUME and bridge the distance between my thoughts and reality. The most important thing is that what I am thinking about must be true. How many times have I made a judgement on someone or something (without necessarily vocalising it) based on information that is simply not true?

When this is brought into relationships, it can gradually erode the intimacy. So many thoughts come into my mind at any given time. I'm learning to use a filter.

Love. Learn.

Update...

Its been a long while. I can't really say that I've been that busy but well I'm back here and that's all that matters. Its been an interesting month. What I'm learning is how not to live my life on such an emotional rollercoaster. There are so many things in life that I have absolutely no control over, however I am just realising how much of 'me' that I do have control over. It reminds me of what I read in one of my favourite books 'The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People' by Stephen Covey. I have the ability to choose my response to whatever happens to me.

Does that mean I won't cry or get angry or feel down when things happen? No. However, I want to learn to maintain a winning attitude. Yes, things aren't exactly how I want, hope or desire that they should be but I can smile in the rain, it may be snowing outside but there can be sunshine in my heart.

I am learning to pray more, hope more and expect more. I want to love, live and learn all the way.

On the health side, I must be honest that I haven't been working out with the same intensity I had in the beginning. I guess I was a bit disappointed when the scales weren't going in the right direction. However, a healthy lifestyle must be holistic. It is just as important what I put into my body as it is working out. I'm no longer using the scales as my sole indicator but how my clothes fit and my energy levels.

Looking forward to the holidays. Time to unwind, spend time with people I love and just enjoy the spirit of the season.

Learn.

#Sharing: The way marriage should be..

'The way marriage should be; the security of knowing you have someone to love, to trust, to encourage, to laugh with, grow with and enjoy life with and that he or she is yours and yours alone makes marriage so incredible! Marriage is not designed to place restrictions on you; marriage is for the purpose of completing you, thus enabling each member of the team to be more than you could be as individuals. Marriage is designed to enable you grow to your maximum because of ther support, love and encouragement of your mate.' 

Zig Ziglar

#GirlTalk: Work out

Inspired by various bloggers and friends, I have embarked on a new challenge in my weight loss journey. I've decided not to go on a diet though I will write about 2 very popular diets in later posts. I have nothing against diets just that I can't do them....lol! So it's old school all the way but not eating less but eating better. I want to learn to eat what my body needs and not what my tastebuds want all the time.

The biggest and most difficult change for me however is burning the calories. I've done the 'buy a gym membership, attend 3 times and never return' routine a number of times so this time I'm working out at home. I'll see how it works out the first few weeks. My exercise regimen is mainly cardiovascular with some strength training and abs work. I hope to lose a few kilos but I want to strengthen and shape my body. Not look like a bodybuilder but tone up.

I get bored easily so I've pretty much stacked up on some work out DVDs. My staple is Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred although so far I've only been able to complete Level 1...lol! However I realise that the more I change up my workout the more effective it seems to be. So, no big expectations and no big plans but just to workout on the days I set to work out. 

I pray that I can stay on my journey and I will share how it is going here honestly. I don't expect it to be easy but I am determined by the grace of God to stay on it. I will be measuring my progress on the scales and with a tape measure. I need to get someone to measure me but today I weigh 80 kg putting my BMI at 27.5 and me in the overweight category! To get into the normal weight I need to lose at least 8 kg. Its a lot but I refuse to be discouraged.

I'll share my workout regimen in forthcoming posts. Also what I'm eating now. But I'm excited about this new journey. A great way to start the month.

Live. Learn

The Best me..

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Irrespective of the journey, taking that first step always requires courage and strength of character. I believe we are constantly changing but it is always worthwhile to examine and chronicle those changes. There is something about crisis that forces one to think about oneself and what's really important. I think 2011 has been that sort of year for me.

I am realising how important it is for me to be the best me that I can be. The me that God created and intended for me to be. Maybe growing older gives one a different perspective of things and while I know that no one is perfect I have just grown tired of accepting some things as being 'me.' My pet peeves are worry and anxiety and I have literally worried myself sick over minor and major things but no more. I want to experience peace that is independent of what the situation in my life is at present. I am tired of being ruled by my emotions. I am tired of giving up on people in relationships because they hurt me. I am tired of staying in relationships that have existed past their due date. I am tired of making the same mistakes over and over again.

Recently I decided to refuse to accept my overweight status. It's not just about PCOS and wanting to look like the girls in COSMO. I am not a skinny girl but I am not supposed to be an overweight girl either. Sometimes one can accept something as being 'normal' because that is the way it has always been. I've always been quick to give a cutting response, big, have permed hair, shy...(fill in the blanks). That its always been that way doesn't mean it always has to be that way. Its not about not accepting who I am, I also realised that I don't want to be so caught up wanting to be better that I fail to appreciate the good that is me. Something about loving and being in love has made me realise that not to be the best me is to shortchange  the people that love me and have to live with me of the best experience that they could have.

I'm trying to encourage everyone around me to embark on a healthier lifestyle too. Right now my focus in on reaching a healthier weight and increasing my fitness level. I participated in a 5K race last month and well let's say it was a big wake up call for me. Love is motivating me to change. I can't do anything about the condition I have, my genetics and my general predisposition but nothing has to control my life. I'm being the best me and living my best life right now.

Live.

Making room for disappointment..

I came across an interesting statistic this week in this article on the Marriage Gems blog. That 76% of men would remarry their wives, yet only 50% of women would remarry their husbands. This indicates that men are generally happier in their relationships than women are. Hmm...I found this interesting because I always thought it would be the other way around.

Another statistic that was mentioned was that 80% of divorces were filed by women. Now I'm not sure if this is in the States where the writer lives and if these statistics cross borders but it got me thinking. Maybe women are just tired especially now when some have to bring in a second income and still be the primary caregiver. But I wonder, maybe just wonder if sometimes we don't make room for disappointment. SO sent me a message a few days ago 'I am not perfect but I will always try my best and love you unconditionally.' I realised recently that even though I mentally acknowledge he is not perfect, I had never made room for disappointment.

When someone loves you they will not deliberately (at least I think so) do something to hurt you. But because they are not perfect (just like us) they will hurt us (just like we would hurt them). Hmm..there must be room for disappointment. Freeing him from the expectation to be perfect. It isn't easy, when you are hurt, you are hurt and it doesn't matter whether it was a deliberate act or not. But I am one of those people who have difficulty letting go of things and I realise that if I don't nip this habit in the bud I can easily make big things out of little things.

I guess its the difference between falling in love and learning to love everyday. I must love the whole person...not just the bits I like. I wrote something in my journal which I called the final word. 

The final word, after all is said and done, after arguments and disagreements, after speech and silence is that I know that he loves me and I know that I love him. I don't want to be anywhere else or with anyone else. Home will always be him.

Love.

Not forgetting but forgiving..

I watched 'Indecent Proposal' with SO this weekend. I like watching old movies, I guess like most things 'they just don't make things the same anymore.' Anyway Woody Harrelson's character said 2 things that were significantly poignant. The first was that 'the mistake that we made was thinking we are invincible.' No couple is invincible, you can be strong but definitely not invincible. Living with that knowledge makes me understand that I must be careful..I shouldn't take anything for granted because no one goes into a relationship hoping it fails. SO says 'never gamble with what you can't afford to lose.'

I've been thinking about the other thing he said which is the title of this post. 'We thought we could forget while what we really needed to do was to forgive.'  Forgiveness is both an event and a process. The event is the conscious decision one makes to forgive and the process is daily living with that decision. However, sometimes the focus is on forgetting what has happened which undermines the process because I cannot consciously make myself forget something. The Bible says 'Forgive' but not forget. 

So maybe I should forget about forgetting some things and just forgive every single time I remember.

There are lessons everywhere if we are listening..

Learn.

New beginnings..

I asked myself recently how many new beginnings does one really get in life? I know I've had quite a few. I heard a familiar voice whisper 'As many as you need to get to where you need to be.' That made me smile. Because I've come to believe that we are consistently having new beginnings on our journey. One of the things I love saying to myself about God is that 'He is making all things new.'

I've been inspired recently to embark on a journey of health and wholeness. It started as a desire to lose some weight but as I began to do some research I decided to broaden my horizons a bit. As always I will be sharing what I'm learning.

I've always struggled with my weight. I was a big baby and I have never really been what one would call skinny or even slim. When I look at some pictures of me from a decade ago I'm surprised to think I called myself fat then..lol! After the PCOS diagnosis, I realised that I would have to be serious about my weight, eating habits etc. But I kept that information somewhere at the back of mind. When I felt a little guilty, I would   starve diet and so began my yoyo lifestyle. I won't say I'm a diet junkie, don't have the discipline not to eat at all but I've done quite a number of things.

I'm just tired of the cycle so this time it's about tried and tested principles not diets. The basic principle being that weight gain occurs when more calories are taken in than used up. No matter what the underlying issues are..as is the case with someone with PCOS and a bit of insulin resistance this remains the same. So weight loss and a healthier lifestyle are hinged on two important factors; diet and exercise and that's where my focus is going to be. I have a one year plan which I'm breaking down into manageable goals that I will share later. But this season of my life is taking care of this asset that is me. People love me, I need to do my best to ensure that I am around for them as much as I can.

Live. Learn

Day 30: Love Everyday..

Finally at the end of this journey. I started this in August. I was not really in a good place and my intention was to blog every day for 30 days to get my writing mojo back and clear my thoughts. I shared different things..hopefully serious and not so serious, thoughtful and funny. However it took me about  two months to complete it but I am getting back into my rhythm of writing regularly and I hope my next challenge will find me more consistent.

I've developed an interest in relationships, different kinds of relationships. What makes them great, what keeps them strong. I'm also interested in romantic relationships. Marriage is a beautiful thing..how do we get married and how do we stay married. How do we keep our love alive through the different scenes and seasons of life? Well this will be the ground where I dump my stories, personal and those that have been shared with me. Maybe someone will learn from my 'getting it wrong' stories and what I've read and trying to apply to my life.

Today I am just encouraging myself to love everyday. Every single day. Whatever it means and whatever it requires. I've learnt that love comes both with high and lows, love comes with laughter and tears. Love always calls for a higher level of living. Willing to live contrary to self and exalt 'us' over our individual persons.

Love. Live .Learn

Day 29: Keeping a cool head.

I read something this morning about 'opening windows when arguments are flying.' Conflict is inevitable but it can be managed. Today is about assuming the responsibility of giving silence when the other person is 'dishing it out.' Like a fire, arguments can escalate from a struck match to a raging inferno but for a fire to 'grow' it requires a fuel. Sometimes silence is taking the fuel out of the fire. It no longer becomes an argument but the other person expressing themselves..they aren't right to shout at you but shouting back doesn't achieve anything either.

Relationships are relationships, the principles that apply between partners also apply at work and in other family relationships. I am guilty of giving silence but in a more manipulative 'I am not speaking to you until you beg' sort of mood. This silence is having the emotional strength required to allow another person vent their frustrations (they may be wrong) to prevent the fire from raging. I'm not saying stand still for someone to be violent. I realised that for me most arguments start when I begin to raise my voice to match the other person, it only takes a few seconds for both of us to be screaming. However if I can try and maintain an even tone then the other person's voice usually starts lowering because they kind of look crazy if they don't..lol!

Easy advice to give, very practical. Difficult to live but I am learning that there is a difference between difficult and impossible. I make mistakes everyday but like a child learning to walk, I don't give up because I lost my temper today. I pray and ask God for forgiveness and to rely on His strength to ensure that tomorrow I don't.

I'm a firm believer that we can change things about our lives when we utilise the 'inside-out' approach. I feel like I am on a journey to becoming a better person. I don't know what the destination is and the journey is not always easy but I'm committed to being on it.

Learn.