Day 22: Lol! Men and Women

I'm not liking this inconsistency for the last few days. Its been a good month. Haven't hit it 'all' but I can see good changes. Changing the way I see things and I am sure that this will be accompanied by a change in behaviour as well. I came across this list and it made me laugh so I'm sharing it here. Highlights once again the classic difference between men and women. After laughing however, I am determined not the be this woman. Instead of saying 'fine', I'm learning to say 'I feel hurt because..' hopefully the silent treatment days are behind me. I'll be honest, I'm not totally giving that one up because sometimes I feel SO hears me more when I'm quiet ha, ha. Anyway to any ladies who may read this, I suggest you share this with your partner/spouse. Communication aids understanding. At least then he knows what to watch out for. SO says he's compiling a dictionary to enable men understand women..lol!

Nine words women use

1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine!

4. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!

5. Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6. That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say “you’re welcome”. (I want to add in a clause here – this is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’, that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say “you’re welcome” it will bring on a ‘whatever’).

8. Whatever: Is a woman’s way of saying Get Lost!

9. Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking “What’s wrong?” For the woman’s response please refer to # 3.


Live.

Day 6: Lol!

...because a day without laughter is like a day wasted. (SO to G)


I love sharing jokes with SO. Jokes like this remind me to see the lighter side of things and that one doesn't have to be so serious all the time. Laughter is good medicine. The last few days have definitely been 'lighter.' I'm just seeing some things in a different light. Just put this here so maybe someone else could read it and lol with me. SO says one of the the things he loves the most about me is my ability to find a joke in almost everything. He calls me his 'something else'...it may be a strange endearment but its one of the ones I love the most. It just reminds me that no matter what happens, its 'us' committed to looking at the brighter side of things. So laugh with the people you love today. It definitely puts you in a better frame of mind.

Live.

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this was included with the product information. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity.

Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Fishing 7.5, and Motorcycling 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I can’t seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I’m thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn’t work on Wife 1.0. Please help!!!!!!


THE REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:

This is due to a very common problem that generates many complaints. It is due to a primary misconception generally by male users. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 thinking that it is merely a “Utilities and Entertainment program”. 

Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its creator to run everything! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and return to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating systems files cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0, so nothing is gained.
It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to disallow this. 

Some have tried Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than in the original system. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under  “Warnings - Alimony/Child Support.” I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation.
I suggest installing the background application C:\YES DEAR to alleviate software augmentation. Having installed Wife 1.0 myself, I also suggest that you read the entire section regarding “General Partnership Faults (GPFs).” You must assume all responsibility for any faults and problems that occur, regardless of their cause. You will also find that GPF’s are cyclical. The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE. Avoid excessive use of C:\YES DEAR because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return too normal anyway. 

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 (which replaces Burn It 1.0), Trash 4.0, and Do Bills 4.2. 

You must, however, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NagNag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 should this happen. 

WARNING!!!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install SecretaryShortSkirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system