Tuesday, 1 March 2011

Question time: Preparing for marriage

SO sent me this questions a while ago. I think he got it from one of his 'for my eyes only' magazines. I don't have a problem with them, from what he shares he is picking up things that have enhanced our relationship on different levels. The questions therefore are aimed at men but could also be answered by both genders. They require simply a Yes or No and yet they provide so much food for thought. 

1. Can you be comfortable with being completely vulnerable with your spouse? Or do you see this as a weakness?

2. Can you permanently control your ego and deal with your spouse without any attitude?

3. Can you settle for less or do you always have to win an argument?

4. Could you let go and kiss your partner goodnight after a row?

I could only answer Yes to 3 and 4. I could try for Yes with 2 but for the word permanent. 1, I know that I am still working on. For vulnerability has for a long time for me been viewed as weakness and I am just gradually allowing SO in; into my thoughts, my fears, my weaknesses and my strengths. 

Sometimes I do struggle with 4. If I am hurt I just don't want to talk. I just want to do my thing and let him get on with his. However the questions made me realise that having a great relationship means learning things that go contrary to my natural reaction. Between stimulus and response is the ability to choose. As Christians we have been given the Holy Spirit who enables the fruit of love to be borne in our lives. So even though I could respond in a certain way to something I can still choose to act different. 

Just wanted to share that before it got lost in a myriad of texts and emails. Choose to handle things differently to keep the love strong between you and your partner today.

Love. Learn.

Love is spelt T-I-M-E

I read 2 articles recently on love and time. The first article was David Jeremiah's Feb 2011 devotional where he dedicated the month to writing on love, marriage and sex. I love the way he showed that the Bible is full of wisdom concerning how one can have a loving, grounded relationship that can stand the test of time. I'm concerned at how many relationships start on such a high note and end with such bitterness and sorrow. I don't think any relationships just end abruptly, they gradually unravel and sometimes we are too busy or nonchalant to notice until it is on its final legs.

He talked about both quality and quantity of time. We live really busy lives in this century and its so easy to lose sight of each other within it. The past few months have been difficult for us but I'm thankful to God that we have been growing stronger for it every step of the way. We made a commitment early this year after a period of not seeing each other for a few weeks never to allow work or anything else get in the way of 'us'. Due to the nature of our jobs there are busy seasons and seeing that we don't live together yet it can get crazy sometimes. But we're aware of it and we are trying. I have to give it to my sweetheart he's much better at being in touch than me. As we don't get to see each other everyday..there's rarely a day I don't get a good morning AND goodnight text with lots of messages scattered through my day. 'Thinking of u', MUL, LUL and LUAs. You would think I would get tired of them but I don't.

The second article I read was from the Marriage Gems blog; see excerpt

'I don’t often quote advice from celebrities, but sometimes the advice is just simple enough to be helpful. Actor Colin Firth, who has been married to Italian director Livia Giuggioli for 15 years, was recently quoted regarding the secret to his happy marriage. He says a happy marriage is not too hard to attain when you set aside time for each other and treat one’s marriage like a “marathon.”
“We’re very committed on a daily basis to how we deal with our family lives. But the real secret is timewe have to make sure that we spend enough time together. Every relationship in life you’re going to have to take care of, there’s a marathon factor to it,” says Firth.
He added that despite all the tempting women one may encounter, it is important to remember none of them measure up to one’s own wife.'
Spending time together - an art that is gradually being lost not only by couples but families in general. Technology has made the world a global village and yet made islands out of individuals. We tweet, FB, IM people thousands of miles away and yet we have no clue what is going on in the life of the person lying next to us in bed. So far SO has been better at creating avenues for quality time where we can rest and just share. Its my responsibility to match up to him. I'm in this for the long haul and I think there is a lot of wisdom in Colin Firth's advice. He's been married for 15 years, in Hollywood that's an achievement. It would be wise to follow as well.
Love. Learn.