Day 16: Communication

I feel good when I know to do good and I do it. When there is a difference between what I feel and what I know to be true and I choose to go against my emotions and stick with the facts. So I give myself a big pat on the back today. I shared a lot of things with SO yesterday..early on in our relationship I knew I would have to work big time on my communication skills because I am a keeper and not a good sharer. When I said what I had to say..I felt so naked..lol! I think the Bible verse where it says 'and they were naked and not ashamed' wasn't just about the physical. In nakedness, everything is exposed the good, the bad and the ugly but that's the beauty of love isn't it, that someone can see all that and still choose to be with you.

When he turned round and told me 'Thank you so much for sharing that with me. I know that it must have been difficult but I'm really glad you did. Communication is very important and it has to come from both of us, it helps us understand each other.' That made me happy and made me wonder why I usually hold back. I guess I like to look perfect so I'm hesitant to share anything that makes me look flawed..lol! 

I guess 'communication' will be the most used word on this blog because it's one of those foundational things. And if the foundation isn't strong, nothing built on it will stand the test of time. I'm also learning that things I'm learning through my relationship with SO is making my other relationships stronger. I'm learning to communicate better with my friends and strengthening my relationships through taking the step to love my family and friends unconditionally.

You should be able to talk about anything with your partner. Anything and everything...the mundane and the vital. If it can keep me awake at night, I should be able to talk about it. Hmm..

Learn.

Day 15: Halfway there..

So today I thought I'd have some fun. I'm in bed feeling fluish, aches, fever the works and trying to put myself in a good mood.  I got this from a blog I used to read before I even started blogging. It's more a getting to know 'G' sort of blog. Anyway, I'm celebrating the halfway point on my journey. I feel so much better than where I was when I started, externally I must say that not much has changed but I'm beginning to feel the wheels turning on the inside. I'm happy.


A One Woman 60 Questions Interview


1. What time did you get up this morning? 0500...hate being sick.
2. Diamonds or pearls? Something very simple and elegant about pearls..understated chic
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? I can't remember what we saw but it was over 6 months ago! Now that's long for me.
4. What is your favorite TV show? Right now, its 'The Borgias' but I'm a '24' widow
5. What did you have for breakfast? An orange and an apple, I have that chalky taste in my mouth
6. What is your middle name? Nothing. For some reason my parents thought that 1 name was sufficient..
7. What is your favorite cuisine/meal? Italian but for something special Thai.
8. What foods do you dislike? Cheese, though I eat pizza. SO finds this very weird. I also pick out the pepperoni.
9. Your favorite Potato chip? Wedges
10. What is your favorite CD at the moment? Women of Faith-Worship CD
11. What kind of car do you drive? Nothing at the moment.
12.Favorite sandwich? Tuna and sweetcorn
13. What characteristics do you despise? Rudeness
14. Favorite item of clothing? Dresses. So comfy and hide a multitude of 'sins'
15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? The Bahamas
16. What color is your bathroom? Mainly brown
17. Favorite brand of clothing? Chanel...Classic white and black..hmm
18. Where would you want to retire? maybe.. The Bahamas
19. Favorite time of day? Early in the morning
20. What was the last thing you read and liked? 'The Memory of Love' by Aminatta Forna
21. Favorite sport(s) to watch? Football
22. Who do you least expect to respond to this? I don't know
23. Person you expect to respond first? Same as above
24. What laundry scent do you use? Lenor
25. Coke or Pepsi? Not a fizzy fan, prefer a Cranberry
26. Are you a morning person or night owl? I love the early hours, the quiet the peace
27. What size shoe do you wear? European 41
28. Do you have pets? No
29. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with everyone? I'm happy..
30. What did you want to be when you were little? Pediatrician
31. Favorite Candy Bar? Toblerone
32. What is your best childhood memory? Travelling with my family
33. What are the different jobs you have had in your life? Checkout staff, Administrative Assistant, Teacher
34. What color/type underwear are you? White/Boys shorts
35.Nicknames: Just shorter variations of my names
36. Piercings ? I'm very conservative so just my ears
37. Eye color? Brown
38. Ever been to Africa? Yes but haven't been anywhere outside West Africa. I would like to go to Kenya and South Africa
39. Ever been toilet papering or rolling? No
40. Love someone so much it made you cry? I used to giggle when I saw brides cry at their weddings but I think I understand why now.
41. Been in a car accident? No
42. Croutons or bacon bits? Neither
43.Favorite day of the week? Wednesday because its halfway point
44. Favorite restaurant? No favourites
45. Favorite flower? Tulips
46. Favorite ice cream? Vanilla
47. Favorite fast food restaurant? Burger King for a Whopper and fries from McDonalds..lol
48. What color is your bedroom carpet? Brown
49. How many times did you fail your driver's test? I don't want to lie..lol!
50. Before this one, from whom did you get your last email? A friend
51. Which stores would you choose to max out your credit card? It would be somewhere that sold really pretty shoes
52. What do you do most often when you are bored? Read
53. Bedtime? Depends on what's happening
54. Who are you most curious about their responses to this questionnaire? No one
55. Last person you went to dinner with? SO
56. What are you listening to right now? Shuffling songs on the iPod
57. What is your favorite color? Brown
58. Lake, Ocean or river? Ocean speaks to me of vastness, that I shouldn't be small minded, the earth is filled with endless possibilities
59. How many tattoos do you have? None
60. Which came first, the chicken or the egg? I'll go with the egg. Things usually start small, trees come from seeds, babies from a fertilised egg that's so tiny.


That was fun! 


Love.Live

Day 14: Stamps

I'm still here and still hanging on. Had a busy weekend and another test where I had the option to take the higher mature path or an immature one. To make myself happy, I think I'm somewhere in the middle..lol! The word stamps just came into my head as I logged in. Its about sticking with something until one gets to the desired destination. I'm almost halfway there, it took me some time to get there but I'm celebrating today. Day 14. I will make it to 30, no matter how long it takes me.

Live.

Day 13: Behind Closed Doors

Two days ago a friend of mine sent me a message informing me about Will Smith and Jada's decision to separate. This news hasn't been confirmed and I'm still praying its a rumour. Will and Jada are my favourite Hollywood couple..doesn't mean I agree with everything they say or do but I respect a lot of their thoughts and views on relationship. After 13 years together in Hollywood, I think one can even use the title 'relationship expert'..lol! However this news (Lord, let it be a lie) just made me think about marriage and how so many things happen behind closed doors. It got me thinking of another post I had read about accepting your partner for who s/he is and comparisons.

I learnt a lot from the relationship I was in prior to being with SO. There were many issues but I can be woman enough to say that on my end I missed out on the person who was because I was trying desperately to mold him into what I thought he should be. I tried not to bring that attitude with SO. While it is good to learn from other couples, both their triumphs and their mistakes, there's so much that happens behind closed doors that one is not privy too. There is really no man I wish SO was more like, because I know that majority of the time he is doing his best. His best as a human being can not be perfect, neither can mine. So we learn to dance even in that misunderstood area that is called our 'weaknesses.'

Sometimes when I read this blog, especially my early posts I hope I am not portraying that what we have is perfect because it isn't. But we aren't building for perfection, we are building for strength and we are building for a lifetime. I would rather live in a bungalow with a solid foundation that can stand the storm than in mansion built on sand. So now I don't allow anyone to make me feel bad. Why doesn't he look at me the way X looks at Mrs X? There's a lot of PDA (public displays of affection) out there and most I pray are genuine. Know your partner for who they are and if you know deep in your heart they are giving you their all, appreciate them. It doesn't mean that if I feel I need something he isn't giving at a particular time I can't ask for it. It's just that my assessment of where our relationship is, is based on our 'us' behind our own closed doors and not what someone defines it for us as.

Love.

Day 12: Right or Reconciled

These days I read a lot of 'relationship' blogs, I'm intrigued on what other people's thoughts are regarding relationships and how their love stories are acted out. I must say I've learnt a lot, well I have assimilated a lot of information that I hope I will apply if and when the need arises. Relationships are very personal, what works for a couple may not necessarily work for me but I believe that there are some foundational principles that apply to all couples.

I was reading a blog where the writer asked her parents who were celebrating their 54th (yes 54th) wedding anniversary what they thought was necessary for love that lasts a lifetime. There was a list but out of that list the biggest point that stood out for me was 'decide if you'd rather be right or reconciled.' I shared the list with SO and he asked me why that particular point resonated with me the most. Writing my response below made me realise how much growing up I still have to do..lol! Sorry if the beginning doesn't make any sense.

I was looking at it from a different perspective. I don't like to be at the receiving end of ultimatum's so I try not to give them either.

I was thinking more along the lines of my thought processes when someone does something that hurts me and I keep them 'outside' because really that is what the silence is, creating a 'barrier' between me and them. It doesn't really matter if it was intentional or not.

'They' are wrong for what they did and my response is right and justified...Especially where no apology is forthcoming...lol! But being right can be lonely because barriers that keep others out also keep one in. So most times its more important to be reconciled than right.

Its funny how some things I think look when I actually write them down. Anyway we live and learn.

I have seen couples rejoice over battles they have won and then realise in stunned dismay that they have lost the war. Sometimes I'm right and he's wrong but at the end of the day I still want there to be an 'us' so reconciliation will always rank higher than being right. 


Love. Learn

N.B Giving myself a pat on the back for sticking out with my eating plan.

Day 11: Thankful

I just realised that for the most part of everything, my life, my relationship, my family things are going well. Yes I have dreams and goals I would like to see come into existence pronto but there is so much working for me at the moment. I am alive and well, my nearest and dearest are as well. In what is a turbulent economy, not only am I eating enough I am now having to say no to food for my health...lol! There is somewhere to sleep at night. Someone who is learning to love me...the whole me, with my weaknesses and faults. There are people who pray for me, who call me, who care about what happens to me.

I don't know why in life one's focus immediately shifts to what one doesn't have which is usually a fragment in comparison to what one does have. I wish I always thought this way but there is a new found joy in my heart..if I could describe it, it would be like a newly germinated plant. I know that there is potential for it to bloom into something great but I'm really grateful for it now. I can smile and mean it. Present days are tough but I'm looking at the future with so much hope. One day at a time...

Live. Love.

N.B Sticking to the plan but modified it a bit for some protein. Its been only a day but I celebrate that day.

Day 10: Lifestyle changes

This week I want to join my sister and her friend on a detox plan. For the next six days I am to exist on a diet that consists mainly of fruit and vegetables and I can only drink water. It's not so much about weight loss as it is about discipline and finishing something you've started. I'm a bit scared but as I have a support system I guess it shouldn't be too bad. Its good I'm trying to blog daily so I'll say whether I made it that day or not. Living without meat of any sort isn't going to be easy..lol!

I was actually thinking about this all through the week and after my conversation with my sister I feel like this is something I really need to do. I need to make some lifestyle changes, definitely not a diet. I am the heaviest I have ever been. Somehow within the past year I have managed to pick up at least 8kg. This isn't good at all. I am big boned but I know there is a lot of flesh with that. I was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) sometime in 2005. I don't think about it a lot but I must confess I have been thinking and reading more about it in recent days. Its essentially a hormonal imbalance which leads to issues with ovulation and how my body reacts to insulin. It affects fertility and its strange because almost every documentary or story I have heard about infertility in the last few months are linked in some way to PCOS. Its not all dire news, I believe in the power of God to heal the body but I believe I must be a wise woman as well and incorporate lifestyle changes for my very best life now.

Losing weight is the biggest 'cure' for PCOS, it is definitely harder for someone with PCOS to lose weight but it can be done and it does usually lead to a reversal of most of the symptoms. Also, there's medication. A friend of mine with the same issue has 3 beautiful daughters today. My birthday is coming up in a few weeks and I'm giving myself a birthday present of being 5kg lighter. But no diets, I need something I can do for the rest of my life. No more ups and downs. I'll talk about PCOS more in coming weeks, maybe it'll help someone out there. I don't even talk about it with my family but this process is teaching me that its time to break the silence on a lot of things.

Learn.

Day 9: Forgiveness

If I had to be honest and say one of the things I would love to change about myself it's that I am not great when it comes to forgiveness. On the outside I smile and say that things are ok but I nurse my hurt and wrap myself in it as if it were the most beautiful, cashmere sweater. Just writing that makes me realise how silly such thinking is...how silly I have been.

I read an article this week on Forgiveness. The writer calls it 'The Antidote to the poison in your Marriage', you can replace the word marriage with 'Life.' Working from the inside out, learning to let it all go and live my very best life.

A very wise woman once said 'Marriage is about 2 forgivers living together.'

An excerpt from the post.

'It may require getting some help, but clear the air and learn how to forgive and move on. We can lead ourselves through positive actions rather than allowing our fears, frustrations, anger and resentment to lead us. Take a deep breath. Show affection. Forgive. You'll find yourself improving your own health as well as the health of your relationship.'

Please read the rest of the post..

http://lifegems4marriage.com/2011/08/17/the-antidote-to-the-poison-in-your-marriage/

Day 8: Its ok to cry..

'The nights of crying your eyes out will give way to days of laughter.'


Psalm 30:5 The Message

I wouldn't say I'm someone who cries easily. I wasn't always like that. As a child I was a big cry baby and was an easy target for bullies. I would never respond but would put my head down on my desk and cry. Growing up, I began to see tears as a sign of weakness. 'Big girls don't cry' and all that crap...lol! However, yesterday when I got another rejection letter in my inbox, the tears just began to fall from my eyes. This year I have cried quite a bit, I think a bit more than I have in the last 5 years put together.

'It's ok to cry. As you let the tears out, you let out that overwhelming feeling, you express the pain and the hurt. But don't just stay there, let your mind go to the joy that will come in the morning. The nights of crying your eyes out will give way to days of laughter.'


I remember the first day SO saw me cry, something to do with dinner. Its funny when I look back on how I allowed little things to become such big things. But I felt so silly crying in front of this man. I realised that day that I would really have to unlearn a lot of old habits and begin to see vulnerability as a strength and not a weakness. That I was committing to a lifetime of sharing jokes and laughter but also sharing tears and disappointment. Its about sharing everything. He always wipes away my tears and gives me a big kiss and tells me that everything is going to be ok. He makes me mad sometimes, sometimes my tears have been about something he's done or well if I'm really being honest its really my perception of what he's done. However, everything said and done, I couldn't ask God to bless me with a better best friend. 


So its ok to cry. Let the tears out. Cry with a friend. And when there are no more tears, pray and look ahead to the days of laughter. I know they will surely come.


Love. Learn

Day 7: Inside Out..Outside In

So often I'm trying to change my behaviour. Change what I'm doing, what I'm saying, what I'm eating, what I'm behaving (I know the last one sounds funny). I realise that any lasting change is going to come from the inside. To do better, I have to be better.

I'm not entirely sure how that happens. I know that my actions will eventually follow any belief that I hold to be true. Its like the difference between saying you love someone ten times a day and truly loving them. Its not that saying it is a problem but true love understands silence, can communicate without words and actions, come naturally. There was a day SO was driving and he had to slam the brakes abruptly, he immediately reached out his hand to cover me...it was like a reflex reaction, perfectly natural, not thought out at all. Not like that would save me but his 'basic instinct' was to protect. Such things are not taught.

So today is reflecting on the why's behind the what's. The thinking and mindset that fuels the behaviour. If that thinking and mindset can be changed, the actions become reflex.

Hmming all the way.

Learn.

Day 6: Lol!

...because a day without laughter is like a day wasted. (SO to G)


I love sharing jokes with SO. Jokes like this remind me to see the lighter side of things and that one doesn't have to be so serious all the time. Laughter is good medicine. The last few days have definitely been 'lighter.' I'm just seeing some things in a different light. Just put this here so maybe someone else could read it and lol with me. SO says one of the the things he loves the most about me is my ability to find a joke in almost everything. He calls me his 'something else'...it may be a strange endearment but its one of the ones I love the most. It just reminds me that no matter what happens, its 'us' committed to looking at the brighter side of things. So laugh with the people you love today. It definitely puts you in a better frame of mind.

Live.

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this was included with the product information. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity.

Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Fishing 7.5, and Motorcycling 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I can’t seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I’m thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn’t work on Wife 1.0. Please help!!!!!!


THE REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:

This is due to a very common problem that generates many complaints. It is due to a primary misconception generally by male users. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 thinking that it is merely a “Utilities and Entertainment program”. 

Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its creator to run everything! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and return to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating systems files cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0, so nothing is gained.
It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to disallow this. 

Some have tried Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than in the original system. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under  “Warnings - Alimony/Child Support.” I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation.
I suggest installing the background application C:\YES DEAR to alleviate software augmentation. Having installed Wife 1.0 myself, I also suggest that you read the entire section regarding “General Partnership Faults (GPFs).” You must assume all responsibility for any faults and problems that occur, regardless of their cause. You will also find that GPF’s are cyclical. The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE. Avoid excessive use of C:\YES DEAR because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return too normal anyway. 

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 (which replaces Burn It 1.0), Trash 4.0, and Do Bills 4.2. 

You must, however, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NagNag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 should this happen. 

WARNING!!!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install SecretaryShortSkirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system

Day 5: Remember..

I woke up this morning and as I try to settle down and be quiet (its real hard for someone like me..lol!) I thought about the word remember and some other words followed

Remember why you love him
Remember how he makes you feel
Remember why you love him
Remember what you know to be true
Remember why you love him
Remember why you made the decision you did and make on a daily basis
Remember the truth
Remember emotions change
Remember truth doesn't
Remember why you love him


Sometimes in the heat of things I forget a lot of things. I see a lot of little things and refuse to see the big picture. My emotions control my thoughts which control my actions. In the middle of what was a very busy day for SO, he called me as he prepared to go for a meeting. Such a small thing and such a big thing as well. It made me remember why I love him...for who he is and the very little, big things he does for me. We say we love but most of us (myself included) just respond to love. I'm learning to love inspite of and not always because of...

I'm still hmmming..

Love.

Day 4: #Sharing

Technically this isn't a post, technically this isn't Day 4 but well it's my blog...lol!

I came across this website at the weekend. I read so many posts in one sitting it wasn't even funny. Something I read stopped me from doing something silly and made me take the 'high road.' Just thought to share with you.

http://marriagelifeministries.org/

Love. Learn

Day 3: Shh

'Are you willing to give silence when your spouse needs a little quiet time?'


This was my lesson yesterday. To learn to be quiet, not the mad quiet....not the I'm going to show you quiet...lol! I'm really good at those two. No I mean the 'I know you love me but ever so often you need time to be on your own, you need a little quiet time, so even though I don't understand why, I am willing to give silence.'

Hmm, I am beginning to realise the difference between knowledge and wisdom. My head is full of so much information but it is beginning to seep to my heart where the greatest change needs to occur. I think women don't really understand men's quiet phases because we tend to keep quiet when we are upset. They really are different from us.

So I'm willing to give silence..this is different from a breakdown in communication. Wisdom is having the knowledge and correctly applying it where you need it. I seem to be in a permanent 'hmm' zone these days like seeing things in a totally different light.

Love deeply and genuinely. It may be difficult sometimes but it is indeed a higher calling.

Love. Live. Learn

Day 2: Building to last

I feel a bit bad that I didn't write yesterday. But like a dear commenter wrote..'Go at God's pace.' So I will with no pressure. Yesterday I was thinking about storms. Right now, I feel like I'm in the middle of the biggest one I have ever faced. Its like a wind has come and is blowing at everything. In a lot of ways I know that I have let the storm on the outside in and that is the reason why I've been on such on an emotional rollercoaster.

While I was thinking about storms I realised that I cannot build while the storm is raging. The storm only shows whether what I've been building before the storm was built to last. And sadly I see that I have to dig deep and deal with some things in my foundation, things I've been glossing over..sometimes something needs to be completely destroyed so you can face that what it needs is to be rebuilt and not given a new coat of paint.

Our 'us' is having a moment. Sometimes I'm not aware how much my own behaviour/disposition affects 'us' but right now I just feel like I need SO to be more understanding. And he isn't saying much. My friend L thinks I'm PMSing...lol! I hope so too. But its hard to be quiet and meditate, maybe that's why they are called spiritual disciplines. We have a good foundation and I know we will get through this and any other phase of life that comes. But this week, he feels so far away. Hmm..

We're building something to last. I'm building something to last. I'm not going to fight with the storm anymore. I'm going to look at the areas and see what needs strengthening. I'm going to stop reciting Scripture and actually start living it. Yesterday I let this scripture seep into my soul.

'Weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning.'

Love. Learn.

Day 1: Dreams

Hmm...so the journey begins..

I was reflecting/meditating early this morning and the word 'dreams' just came to me. Because I've always tried to maintain some type of 'quiet time' in the morning before setting out I've just realised that what I called a quiet time was actually a noisy time. While my mouth may not be saying words except whispered prayers, my mind was never really still. It was always doing some activity or the other. Today I decided to still my spirit and just listen/muse/meditate.

What are my dreams? If I could take a peek at the future what would I see? I smiled because for so long I have been focused on my present circumstances and I'd forgotten about dreaming of a future better than my present...definitely better than my past. So what are my dreams? When the next 5 years becomes today how do I want it to look like?

I smiled today because I saw myself a stronger woman, fulfilling destiny. I saw myself happily married to SO most likely with a mini 'us'. I see myself in a better role in my profession than I am now. I saw myself making a significant contribution in my family and my community. I know dreaming is only the first step, it takes work to make a dream a reality but I pray that the image of the future that I saw this morning stays with me everyday. I remembered what Paul said in Romans..

'That's why I don't think there's any comparison between the present hard times and the coming good times.'

I pray that I have the discipline and courage to stay on this journey to the end. 

Live. Learn

The 'Me' in Us..30 Day Challenge

One of the most important things I have learnt about being in a relationship is that it's so much more what I bring to 'us' than anything. Love is definitely a 2 way game of give and take but its important that I focus on what I'm giving, what I'm bringing, what I'm doing. Its not 50-50 but 100-100, giving your everything.

As the days go by I can see that I must work on myself...spiritually, emotionally, physically and even financially because 'me' affects 'us'. I feel like I've been in a sort of slump, it seems that because my relationship is one of the few things really working in my life it has somehow crept to being the focal point of my life. Not saying it isn't important but I always believing that one's relationship with God should be the centre from which all other things flow from. I don't like where I find myself these days..not with my career, some relationships or my my body.

I feel like I'm going through some midi mid-life crisis? I'm currently finishing my postgraduate degree and I need to make a career move. I know there's a gap in my life, like some service I could be providing or some contribution I could be making but I'm just at an all time low. So I'm tired of complaining, being unfulfilled and low will affects 'me' and 'me' affects 'us.' So I'm taking my 30 day challenge to a different place. I believe that God has blessed everyone with opportunities and no matter what excuses we could give for not living successful lives there's a responsibility that we have to seek the very best life that we can.

So I want to be a different G in the next 30 days. My birthday is next month and I just want to feel and be different and show myself that with God's help I can bring about change and it doesn't necessarily need to be a very big thing. So my challenge for the next 30 days is to

• Have at least an hour to pray, read the Bible and meditate. Need to make God the centre and connect back to my source
• Have no alcoholic drinks. Not that I drink a lot but I want to learn discipline, to say I'm going to do something and do it
• Write a post everyday chronicling the challenge or just sharing what I'm learning. They don't have to be long posts, they don't have to be perfect..just written

If anyone is reading this and you're simply not happy with where you are. Hmm...it isn't easy but you can make a decision to go somewhere else. It takes guts to live, I pray God gives me the courage to make the changes I need to. I need to keep upgrading.

Live.Learn

Connecting back to the source

I got a forwarded email this morning with a similar title. It was very encouraging and got me thinking. More importantly, it got me praying. I am in a place where I would really love to deepen the relationship I have with my Heavenly Father. I've been through a phase where I was burnt out in so many areas of my life. Christianity became something I did not someone I was. I was tired of lessons that I had been taught that I didn't see the teachers living. I'm not here to criticise anyone...if anything the journey I've been on has shown me that we all have weaknesses and life is about living with each other's weaknesses and encouraging each person I meet to turn those into strengths.

Faith is such an important part of my life. Its a core from which everything else flows. I didn't want this to be a 'religious' blog so to speak but if I'm true to myself what is at my core will eventually show through. And how can I say that 'love is beautiful' and overcoming 'against all odds' without talking about God, whose love for me is the most beautiful thing I can think of. Who did overcome all odds to seek out a relationship with me.

I reconnected to my Source for a few minutes this morning. I rarely speak prayers these days I tend to write them. I thought about God and His enduring Presence in my life. How He has always been there. I must admit that a lot of times I keep Him in the background and bring Him out for 'events' but now I want to be in a place where my relationship with Him is as deep and true as it is with SO. Where my talks with Him are not limited to a rushed 'quiet time' in the morning. Quiet time is good. One on one time is always good for any relationship, talk less of One in which you cannot see the other Person physically. But I want to continue whispering all through the day. Smiling as I think of His words to me, meditating on how my life reflects or fails to reflect His character.

Yesterday I was tired and internally cranky. It was just the sort of day when a little thing would push me over the edge so I withdrew into 'silent mode.' This morning after reading that devotional I wrote my prayer, as I commit the worries to paper its like they are physically leaving me. Reconnecting back to my Source provides me with strength and encourages me to tackle today's challenges and trust that the same grace will be accorded me tomorrow. It teaches me that I can love even when it is difficult.

Daddy I thank You that You love me. I know I'm not the most charitable or even an easy person to love. However you made the decision and You promised to always be faithful to me and stick with me till the very end. As a plant cannot grow or even remain alive without a connection to its roots so also does my spirit and soul need that connection with You. I reconnect my thoughts to Your thoughts. I meditate on Your words. I let your actions lead the decisions that I make this day. Teach me to love for You are love. Give me the strength to sacrifice 'me' for 'us' everyday. But teach me to always put You first. Because I don't..not always. Enough light for where I'm standing. That's what I ask.

Thank you Father.

Love. Live.

The Power of Love

I love Il Divo. I don't understand half of what they're saying (I always check the translations later) but there's something about their music where I feel that I can put the words in myself and I perfectly understand what they're saying.

How strong is love? The Teacher said that 'many waters cannot quench love'. If we could only allow ourselves to get over ourselves and see it as more than an emotion but something we make a commitment to do everyday maybe we could all do better jobs at it.

Just wanted to share the lyrics of this song...

La Fuerza Mayor ( The Power of Love)

I will protect you from your fears
I am your prince charming
An angel from heaven
There is no more to fear

Today, like yesterday I will always have
Only your love is important
Here I am

The greatest power
is in love
It comes from inside
Our great aim is to share it out
You need to show it
With your heart

I promise I will take care of you
And will live only to love you
When you be sad, there I will be
With this immense love that
I feel for you and you will not cry anymore
You will be the only one

Only your love is the important, give it to me
Here I am




Love.