Not forgetting but forgiving..

I watched 'Indecent Proposal' with SO this weekend. I like watching old movies, I guess like most things 'they just don't make things the same anymore.' Anyway Woody Harrelson's character said 2 things that were significantly poignant. The first was that 'the mistake that we made was thinking we are invincible.' No couple is invincible, you can be strong but definitely not invincible. Living with that knowledge makes me understand that I must be careful..I shouldn't take anything for granted because no one goes into a relationship hoping it fails. SO says 'never gamble with what you can't afford to lose.'

I've been thinking about the other thing he said which is the title of this post. 'We thought we could forget while what we really needed to do was to forgive.'  Forgiveness is both an event and a process. The event is the conscious decision one makes to forgive and the process is daily living with that decision. However, sometimes the focus is on forgetting what has happened which undermines the process because I cannot consciously make myself forget something. The Bible says 'Forgive' but not forget. 

So maybe I should forget about forgetting some things and just forgive every single time I remember.

There are lessons everywhere if we are listening..

Learn.

Day 17: Letting It Go

I don't know how to let things go. Physically, emotionally otherwise. Every time I do a clean up, I see some things I have been hanging onto for years. I try and justify my reasons for hanging on to the things.'you never know when you might need this' etc..lol! And some of them are so insignificant, notes from people I no longer speak to, a to do list for a day that was 3 years ago..LOL! I was laughing to myself until I began to think about my heart. About some issues and some people where I hadn't let things go. The real word is forgiveness but sometimes that sounds too heavy to deal with.

Of course I smile and I am polite with them, I say 'Don't worry, its ok' but I have been lying to people and lying to myself. The thing is that my heart just like my room was only designed to handle so much at a time. Space is limited and after a while its all just clutter and there's no room to move...no room to love. These days I keep repeating to myself 'do you want to be right or be reconciled?' and I need room so I am learning to let things go.

Its easy to write 'letting it go' but I have been breathing really deeply. To forgive is to release. There is this temporary feeling of joy I have when I say 'I'm letting this issue go' but after a while my emotions begin to change and the anger resurfaces. I used to let this make me feel bad and keep trying to 'feel the forgiveness.' I just realised that expecting those feelings and emotions put me in a better place to deal with them. Like love, forgiveness is a decision I must make every single time when feelings go out of sync. So on this journey, its little letting go of the 'junk' both physically and emotionally.

There's just too much love to give and receive in this world for me to be crowding my life with some things anymore. Thank God for clarity.

Love. Live.

Day 9: Forgiveness

If I had to be honest and say one of the things I would love to change about myself it's that I am not great when it comes to forgiveness. On the outside I smile and say that things are ok but I nurse my hurt and wrap myself in it as if it were the most beautiful, cashmere sweater. Just writing that makes me realise how silly such thinking is...how silly I have been.

I read an article this week on Forgiveness. The writer calls it 'The Antidote to the poison in your Marriage', you can replace the word marriage with 'Life.' Working from the inside out, learning to let it all go and live my very best life.

A very wise woman once said 'Marriage is about 2 forgivers living together.'

An excerpt from the post.

'It may require getting some help, but clear the air and learn how to forgive and move on. We can lead ourselves through positive actions rather than allowing our fears, frustrations, anger and resentment to lead us. Take a deep breath. Show affection. Forgive. You'll find yourself improving your own health as well as the health of your relationship.'

Please read the rest of the post..

http://lifegems4marriage.com/2011/08/17/the-antidote-to-the-poison-in-your-marriage/

Marriage and happiness...Antonyms?

'Every marriage is made up of two flawed people. That includes you and your partner. It's not that we don't know it, it's that we keep forgetting it, or hoping that we're the exception to the rule. Expecting perfection is naive and will keep undermining your relationship. Happiness in marriage depends on coming to terms with your mutual defects and dealing with them realistically.'

The Word for you Today

If I got a penny for every time I lived by what I've just written above I would be one very rich lady. Two flawed people....but I always expect perfection. I have this joke with SO about being the perfect partner...complete with batteries. When we fight I don't know why everything I know flies out of the window. 

We had a misunderstanding recently. We've both been pulling long hours and well its been a stressful couple of weeks. We both retreat into our bubbles when we are upset for fear of saying something  we'll both regret. However, one end of the spectrum is not better than the other. We should aim for a balance where people can express themselves in a non-destructive manner. Sometimes when we say what needs to be said, feelings can be hurt in the process. It is important to know your partner, what their silence means, what their smiles mean. 

On my end my 'walls' just went up. My 'walls' have always been my defense mechanism against being hurt...lol! It's silly but its what I do. Even after the apology...we both apologised to each other...I was still having a hard time letting it go. In my own way, I felt he was getting off the hook 'too easy' but this morning I read that devotional. I should live knowing I am not perfect, he should live knowing I am not perfect. A mental assertion of the fact is not enough...it's the daily living. Marriage is about two forgivers living together.

So he will say some things I don't want to hear and I'll probably do the same. Marriage and happiness don't have to be antonyms...by the grace of God they can even be synonyms. I learnt that if you're a believer it is important to keep God at the centre of your life and your marriage as well. We can be wrong but God is always right. I look at my last post and laugh. Nothing prepares you for being in a relationship like being in a relationship.

Keep living, loving and learning...