Day 19: Getting a Life..

I would file this post under 'Getting It Wrong.' This blog is about sharing what I'm learning, inevitably that means sharing mistakes I've made and correcting them. I read a book a few years ago when I was single called 'The 10 Commandments of Dating' and the very first commandment was 'Thou shalt get a life.' This was just to encourage single people to live whilst waiting for Mr or Miss Right. There is a difference between being alive and living. I have spent periods of my life just going from day to day, literally counting down time to know the difference.

I've been guilty of not having a life. Of trying to get everything I need from our relationship. No relationship, no matter how healthy is designed to take this type of pressure. I realised recently that some dissatisfaction and disappointment I had been experiencing lately which I wanted to blame on my poor SO had absolutlely nothing to do with him. Emotionally healthy people make an emotionally healthy relationship. Women in particular tend to be guilty of this. I don't know how many older women have told me to always remember the 'me in us.' Not that I shouldn't love him or even put his needs over mine. Love is about sacrifice but that I should never forget the me in us. I should remember to have my time, my goals, my dreams and my destiny.

I'm blessed because so far SO has been very supportive and even though right now I'm at a cross roads so to speak I believe I have a one-man fan club encouraging me in the right direction. If I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing I'll be happy and fulfilled. That can only be good for us both. So I'm celebrating getting a life. Whatever path the road takes, I pray never to lose sight of who I am. I'm getting a life.

Learn. Live.

Growing up

'When I was a child, I talked like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put  the ways of childhood behind me'  

1st Corinthians 13:11

Hmm...this passage popped into my head this morning as I was thinking. Yes, I think a lot. One of my best friends likes making this statement that 'love is abstract until it is required.' I always wondered what she meant. Yes, love is this abstract thing..that you cannot define. Sometimes its an emotion, most times its a decision but you can't say anything about it until you really need to love someone. Love may mean keeping quiet, it may also mean saying something. Love may mean walking away, it may also mean staying put. It depends on what is required at that given time.


Over the weekend, I noticed that SO was a bit low. Its amazing that even via text messages someone can not 'sound' right. I asked him about it and he didn't want to talk about it. For some reason I was hurt. I just felt shut out. Hmm (I hmm a lot), all of a sudden my focus was on poor me and my feelings. He does get like that once in a while and if I'm honest I do too. I did tell him that I would prefer if he spoke to me but I understood if he didn't want to. I'm sorry but I was lying because I didn't really understand. Since then I've just felt this distance between us but it's more on my end if I'm being honest so when that message popped up this morning I kinda knew it was for me.


This week I learnt about time...its not so much that time heals the wound it just gives it the opportunity to heal. Like I said no matter how much we love someone sometimes we just need time...to open the windows and clear the room. Sometimes we need space. Not for ages but just to assert ourselves as an individual in a relationship because no matter how close you are even if you share a toothbrush you are an individual with wants and needs that sometimes differ from your partner.


Just realised that growing up comes with pain...when a baby gets his/her first teeth its uncomfortable, they are irritable but they need to persevere through it to the other side. Maturity is an essential requirement of any relationship. My reasoning and talking is childish because children are concerned about themselves, adults have to be responsible for someone else. A pain of growing up...but grow up we must if we are to have healthy relationships. 


I'm happy that the verse quoted above separated reasoning from talking...I can be so childish in my reasoning sometimes and though I may not say anything to show how silly I am....our minds are powerful things. I had so many bad thoughts this week and totally unfounded ones at that. Well by the grace of God I'm getting there.


'I love you darling and these past few days I have missed you more than you can imagine. Its  easier to write that I understand than it is to really understand but I trust you and I'm here if you need me. That's the growing up I was referring to earlier...'


Guess this is where the 'deeply, unconditionally, forever and beyond' kicks in...