The Best me..

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Irrespective of the journey, taking that first step always requires courage and strength of character. I believe we are constantly changing but it is always worthwhile to examine and chronicle those changes. There is something about crisis that forces one to think about oneself and what's really important. I think 2011 has been that sort of year for me.

I am realising how important it is for me to be the best me that I can be. The me that God created and intended for me to be. Maybe growing older gives one a different perspective of things and while I know that no one is perfect I have just grown tired of accepting some things as being 'me.' My pet peeves are worry and anxiety and I have literally worried myself sick over minor and major things but no more. I want to experience peace that is independent of what the situation in my life is at present. I am tired of being ruled by my emotions. I am tired of giving up on people in relationships because they hurt me. I am tired of staying in relationships that have existed past their due date. I am tired of making the same mistakes over and over again.

Recently I decided to refuse to accept my overweight status. It's not just about PCOS and wanting to look like the girls in COSMO. I am not a skinny girl but I am not supposed to be an overweight girl either. Sometimes one can accept something as being 'normal' because that is the way it has always been. I've always been quick to give a cutting response, big, have permed hair, shy...(fill in the blanks). That its always been that way doesn't mean it always has to be that way. Its not about not accepting who I am, I also realised that I don't want to be so caught up wanting to be better that I fail to appreciate the good that is me. Something about loving and being in love has made me realise that not to be the best me is to shortchange  the people that love me and have to live with me of the best experience that they could have.

I'm trying to encourage everyone around me to embark on a healthier lifestyle too. Right now my focus in on reaching a healthier weight and increasing my fitness level. I participated in a 5K race last month and well let's say it was a big wake up call for me. Love is motivating me to change. I can't do anything about the condition I have, my genetics and my general predisposition but nothing has to control my life. I'm being the best me and living my best life right now.

Live.

New beginnings..

I asked myself recently how many new beginnings does one really get in life? I know I've had quite a few. I heard a familiar voice whisper 'As many as you need to get to where you need to be.' That made me smile. Because I've come to believe that we are consistently having new beginnings on our journey. One of the things I love saying to myself about God is that 'He is making all things new.'

I've been inspired recently to embark on a journey of health and wholeness. It started as a desire to lose some weight but as I began to do some research I decided to broaden my horizons a bit. As always I will be sharing what I'm learning.

I've always struggled with my weight. I was a big baby and I have never really been what one would call skinny or even slim. When I look at some pictures of me from a decade ago I'm surprised to think I called myself fat then..lol! After the PCOS diagnosis, I realised that I would have to be serious about my weight, eating habits etc. But I kept that information somewhere at the back of mind. When I felt a little guilty, I would   starve diet and so began my yoyo lifestyle. I won't say I'm a diet junkie, don't have the discipline not to eat at all but I've done quite a number of things.

I'm just tired of the cycle so this time it's about tried and tested principles not diets. The basic principle being that weight gain occurs when more calories are taken in than used up. No matter what the underlying issues are..as is the case with someone with PCOS and a bit of insulin resistance this remains the same. So weight loss and a healthier lifestyle are hinged on two important factors; diet and exercise and that's where my focus is going to be. I have a one year plan which I'm breaking down into manageable goals that I will share later. But this season of my life is taking care of this asset that is me. People love me, I need to do my best to ensure that I am around for them as much as I can.

Live. Learn

Day 10: Lifestyle changes

This week I want to join my sister and her friend on a detox plan. For the next six days I am to exist on a diet that consists mainly of fruit and vegetables and I can only drink water. It's not so much about weight loss as it is about discipline and finishing something you've started. I'm a bit scared but as I have a support system I guess it shouldn't be too bad. Its good I'm trying to blog daily so I'll say whether I made it that day or not. Living without meat of any sort isn't going to be easy..lol!

I was actually thinking about this all through the week and after my conversation with my sister I feel like this is something I really need to do. I need to make some lifestyle changes, definitely not a diet. I am the heaviest I have ever been. Somehow within the past year I have managed to pick up at least 8kg. This isn't good at all. I am big boned but I know there is a lot of flesh with that. I was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) sometime in 2005. I don't think about it a lot but I must confess I have been thinking and reading more about it in recent days. Its essentially a hormonal imbalance which leads to issues with ovulation and how my body reacts to insulin. It affects fertility and its strange because almost every documentary or story I have heard about infertility in the last few months are linked in some way to PCOS. Its not all dire news, I believe in the power of God to heal the body but I believe I must be a wise woman as well and incorporate lifestyle changes for my very best life now.

Losing weight is the biggest 'cure' for PCOS, it is definitely harder for someone with PCOS to lose weight but it can be done and it does usually lead to a reversal of most of the symptoms. Also, there's medication. A friend of mine with the same issue has 3 beautiful daughters today. My birthday is coming up in a few weeks and I'm giving myself a birthday present of being 5kg lighter. But no diets, I need something I can do for the rest of my life. No more ups and downs. I'll talk about PCOS more in coming weeks, maybe it'll help someone out there. I don't even talk about it with my family but this process is teaching me that its time to break the silence on a lot of things.

Learn.

The Journey: Where I am, where I want to be

One of my favourite books is Stephen Covey's '7 Habits of Highly Effective People'. I try and read it once every two years. This reminds me I need to read it this year. After my Bible, it must be one of the few books I read regularly. I love the second habit which is to begin with the end in mind. What separates humans from other animals is our imagination. We can think, we can reason, we can imagine. In my imagination, I am limitless. This second habits reminds me of the power of visualisation, to be able to see myself not as I am but as I hope to be.


So where do I see myself? In 2012? In 2020? In 2040? Time does fly. I look at my friends and how we have changed over the years. I thank God but I don't simply want to mark time on earth. I want to be better and keep getting better.


Physically, while I know I need to take better care of myself it just stops in my head. I have a science background and I know that I shouldn't do some of the things I do, eat some of the things that I eat and yet I still do it. I've always had issues with my weight. I was a big baby and I'm not sure there's ever been a time I could be considered a skinny git. I have a sweet tooth but its a bit more than that. I have a bad relationship with food. I comfort eat..its not only eating but eating the wrong things. According to my BMI, I'm overweight. I've recently been diagnosed with having polycystic ovaries (PCO) which is in itself a post on its own so I really need to be careful.


No matter how much I know I need to lose weight in my head, I rarely do anything about it. I was my heaviest sometime in 2005 when I weighed about 78kg. Actually scrap that I just got on the scale and it said 80kg! O my days! I'm really depressed right now. I've really overdone it now. This calls for drastic measures..lol! For me to get into the healthy weight zone I need to be at least 70kg. So that's my goal right now.


Goals must be Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Timely. So how do I get to where I need to be? The big goal is lose 10 kilos so I need to break it down


Specific: Lose 10kg of fat by Dec 2011
How: Reduction of calorie intake and increase in physical activity to burn those calories. 
Evaluate: Every weekend weigh in


Reduction of calorie intake; Low carb diet

• Two meals a day. No carbs in the evening, salad and protein
• No desserts and bread for the rest of February

Increase in physical activity

• One hour of Just Dance on Nintendo Wii on alternate days
• Walk for an hour on alternate days

Today is Day 1 and I have stuck to the programme but I'll see what happens at my next weigh in. I'm really down today : (


SO is going to laugh. He always says that I'm ok but I know its love talking. Apart from helping me manage my condition, a healthy weight would enable me feel much better about myself. I hope my next weigh in would make me smile.