SO's away for 2 weeks : ( . I actually thought that I would be so happy to have some me time...lol! But I actually miss him a lot...lol! So I decided to try and reignite the old art of letter writing. I can't remember the last time I wrote a letter. In these days of texts and pokes its difficult for me to even order my thoughts coherently but I thought I'd give it a go.
Its been about 5 days since I waved you goodbye and like I promised there was no waterworks. I used to laugh at SY when she talked about how she felt when her hubby was going to be away but I think I understand the feeling now and I kind of pray that it will always be this way. Talking to you yesterday just wrapped the whole day for me...like ice cream with Bramble apple pie....lol!
I think its human nature to not realise the value of what you have until you lose it. Looking back at our issues over the last few weeks just makes me realise how important love is and how much we don't realise how little time we have. Today I'm just grateful to have a man that loves me the way you do. Honestly, genuinely and with everything. I'm grateful to have someone to share my life with....the easy bits and the difficult bits too. I'm grateful that there's someone I can learn to be vulnerable with. Because I know that I am so far from there but I'm getting there...at least I'm working on getting there.
I am looking forward to our life together. When I look back at the odds of us actually being together I sometimes wonder if I should start to believe in fate because the odds were surely stacked high against us and even though in some ways it still feels that way I'm confident that we'll do our best to always overcome them.
Come home soon darling. I miss you.
Monday, 18 April 2011
I've been thinking about relationships a lot these days. What makes a good one? Are love and marriage really worth it? How do two strangers come to inhabit one world and how do they end up becoming two strangers again?
Why do we go for 'me-preservation' instead of us? Why do we so easily forget where we started? I know the emotions, the 'butterflies' are not eternal but at the end of the day what's happening to the love?
Monday, 4 April 2011
'Every marriage is made up of two flawed people. That includes you and your partner. It's not that we don't know it, it's that we keep forgetting it, or hoping that we're the exception to the rule. Expecting perfection is naive and will keep undermining your relationship. Happiness in marriage depends on coming to terms with your mutual defects and dealing with them realistically.'
The Word for you Today
If I got a penny for every time I lived by what I've just written above I would be one very rich lady. Two flawed people....but I always expect perfection. I have this joke with SO about being the perfect partner...complete with batteries. When we fight I don't know why everything I know flies out of the window.
We had a misunderstanding recently. We've both been pulling long hours and well its been a stressful couple of weeks. We both retreat into our bubbles when we are upset for fear of saying something we'll both regret. However, one end of the spectrum is not better than the other. We should aim for a balance where people can express themselves in a non-destructive manner. Sometimes when we say what needs to be said, feelings can be hurt in the process. It is important to know your partner, what their silence means, what their smiles mean.
On my end my 'walls' just went up. My 'walls' have always been my defense mechanism against being hurt...lol! It's silly but its what I do. Even after the apology...we both apologised to each other...I was still having a hard time letting it go. In my own way, I felt he was getting off the hook 'too easy' but this morning I read that devotional. I should live knowing I am not perfect, he should live knowing I am not perfect. A mental assertion of the fact is not enough...it's the daily living. Marriage is about two forgivers living together.
So he will say some things I don't want to hear and I'll probably do the same. Marriage and happiness don't have to be antonyms...by the grace of God they can even be synonyms. I learnt that if you're a believer it is important to keep God at the centre of your life and your marriage as well. We can be wrong but God is always right. I look at my last post and laugh. Nothing prepares you for being in a relationship like being in a relationship.
Keep living, loving and learning...