Thursday, 27 October 2011

Making room for disappointment..

I came across an interesting statistic this week in this article on the Marriage Gems blog. That 76% of men would remarry their wives, yet only 50% of women would remarry their husbands. This indicates that men are generally happier in their relationships than women are. Hmm...I found this interesting because I always thought it would be the other way around.

Another statistic that was mentioned was that 80% of divorces were filed by women. Now I'm not sure if this is in the States where the writer lives and if these statistics cross borders but it got me thinking. Maybe women are just tired especially now when some have to bring in a second income and still be the primary caregiver. But I wonder, maybe just wonder if sometimes we don't make room for disappointment. SO sent me a message a few days ago 'I am not perfect but I will always try my best and love you unconditionally.' I realised recently that even though I mentally acknowledge he is not perfect, I had never made room for disappointment.

When someone loves you they will not deliberately (at least I think so) do something to hurt you. But because they are not perfect (just like us) they will hurt us (just like we would hurt them). Hmm..there must be room for disappointment. Freeing him from the expectation to be perfect. It isn't easy, when you are hurt, you are hurt and it doesn't matter whether it was a deliberate act or not. But I am one of those people who have difficulty letting go of things and I realise that if I don't nip this habit in the bud I can easily make big things out of little things.

I guess its the difference between falling in love and learning to love everyday. I must love the whole person...not just the bits I like. I wrote something in my journal which I called the final word. 

The final word, after all is said and done, after arguments and disagreements, after speech and silence is that I know that he loves me and I know that I love him. I don't want to be anywhere else or with anyone else. Home will always be him.



  1. I agree with loving every bit of the person BUT I have to say that if one doesnt draw the line at some things ..............standards will fall

    To maintain a loving relationship, one has to ignore the small stuff and focus on the big picture

    For example, having an argument over a messy house is not worth it. Having an argument over financial planning, disrespectful in-laws worth it

    Start as you mean to go on

  2. This is so amazingly true. it's not that we should expect disappointment but we should know that no one is perfect. Not us and not our husbands.

  3. @NIL: So much wisdom in your words. It's comes down to balance. I am usually guilty of making a big deal of the little things. May I have wisdom to know the difference. Thanks for your comment.

    @Myne: True. It's not about living in a state of disappointment or having no expectations. Its just acknowledging the imperfections. Thanks for commenting.