Wednesday, 20 October 2010

Q and A: Is love enough?

One of the things I love about our relationship is that we make an effort to understand the other persons views on particular matters. Q and A are about the questions asked by either of us and the answer from the other person. This time its SO asking me if love is enough to sustain a relationship? I warn I do tend to ramble on but I hope I tried to answer the question!


That's a deep one, I and a few friends debated about this a while ago and we didn't come to any conclusion but agreed to disagree. Some are of the opinion that love is not need commitment, integrity, fidelity e.t.c. I think differently because I think it depends on the definition of love that you use.

A lot of times we can't differentiate the 'being in love' with what it means to truly love someone. To love is to make a decision to stick with someone through thick and thin, on the days you feel like loving them and on the days you don't, on the days they make you smile and on the days they make you cry. That love is commitment, that love is integrity, that love is fidelity, that love is what Paul calls kind, patient, not self-seeking, always protecting, always trusting, always hoping and always persevering..not envious as pestles allowed, lol! (1 Corinthians 13)

But we are human and thus imperfect and love is not static, but dynamic. I sent this in an email to my friend this morning..

'Love is like a seed that has been planted in both your hearts, it needs conducive conditions to germinate, it must be nurtured until it becomes a oak with roots down so deep, a trunk wide enough and big branches that will enable it to overcome any storm, this is the commitment you must be willing to make'

That takes work, a lot of us prefer to 'be in love' which of itself isn't necessarily a bad thing, the attraction must be there, the feeling of love is important but we must all press to what I refer to as the 'higher call of love' which requires a lot, definitely because we must sacrifice at the altar of this love,  I must choose to sacrifice 'me' for 'us'

I still believe that with love one can overcome anything. I have known couples overcome what one would think they couldn't, even infidelity (from both partners)..because both were willing to work it out.  Its just that so many times couples allow the routine of living to erode the love, there is the day to day business of life and no nurturing, no growth and so the slightest breeze topples it over. It's like the story Jesus told about the buildings, one building on sand, one building on the rock. No matter how beautiful a building looks, how big it is, if adequate work has not been done on the will topple eventually. Also love requires 2 people who are available and willing to make it work, this being the main responsibility of 1 person cannot work except the person just elects to stay because they just have to not because they want to..

A man I know wasn't speaking to his wife..I asked him why and he responded that 'until she makes peace with my mother and gives her due respect' I was so pained that day..I don't deny that his mother must be respected but that is so conditional in my opinion, the vows you took were not based on her respecting your mother but for you to love her unconditionally...but I am not him or her so I can't really comment on why people do what they do. But I see it often, people holding on to their 'ground' for so long they don't realise the other person packed up and left a long time ago..

Mmm, before this becomes like a dissertation (lol) I will conclude by saying 'being in love' with someone is not enough but loving them should be...this requires both partners though..

Hope you are having a great day..

I pray not only to be in love with you but to love you as well..deeply, unconditionally, forever and beyond..


1 comment:

  1. i love the analogy of love being a tree. i like the breakdown of one truly loving someone which Paul describes and how used it to explain. I have always felt if we genuinely love someone we will not seek to hurt them, as Paul says love does not pride in its own or seeks it own. And even If we did hurt them, we will recognise the hurt, apologise, repent and aim to be better.

    I like to think if we chose to cultivate that love it will include being faithful, supportive, loyal, affectionate infact these are the branches to the tree that has been planted i.e. the true sincere love shared in book of Corinthians.