Tuesday, 22 February 2011

Good relationships; Great relationships

I and SO watched 'Why did I get married 2' this past weekend. It took us ages to watch because we kept talking about the movie. There were some interesting points raised in the movie and it made me think about what makes a great relationship? Is there something like a great relationship? Is it too lofty to think that after the honeymoon phase, two years, five years from now we would only tolerate each other. Will we always be in love and love each other?

I've decided to note the lessons I learnt from all the characters. 

Patricia (Janet Jackson)

The strength in vulnerability. She was the character that I related to the most out of the 4 women. I tend to want to be 'strong' by always acting as if I've got it all together. People come to me for advice on a variety of things including their relationships so its always been hard for me to scream 'I need help'! At the beginning of our relationship I learnt how detrimental keeping your partner out was. Effective communication should be the foundation of all relationships. It takes strength to admit that you need someone else. To allow someone else into your life to show them the good, bad and ugly. I'm learning how much I need people. I don't want to keep things in and just snap with disastrous consequences. Hmm...

Sheila (Jill Scott)

Leave the ex and the excess baggage that comes with it. When one has been in a bad relationship the temptation to punish the new partner for the wrongs of the past can be strong. We need to let go and move on. I learnt that SO is SO and while there are some ways in which I think all men are the same, my SO is my SO. Unique in his strengths, unique in his weaknesses as well. He isn't going anywhere because the ex left. He's here and he loves me.

Angela (Tasha Smith)

The importance of TRUST in a relationship. Because of the nature of his job, SO is big on confidentiality. Some people say if you trust the person you're with you should give them unlimited access to everything. Email passwords, phone passwords e.t.c. I think different, I think if he can trust you with his money then he trusts you...lol! No, I don't have the password to his phone or email account and he doesn't have mine either. I don't have anything to hide but we just don't roll like that. If at anytime he needs to access my email account I'll give it to him. I remember the first time he gave me his charge card to make a purchase, it was such a small thing and yet such a big thing as well. I learnt that while its important for both men and women to speak to each other with respect, its so much more important for a woman. Speaking to men not shouting at them and if we must shout we should do it within the confines of our own home. Trust is such a strong thing in keeping two people together when it is there and yet so fragile that it is easily broken. 

Dianne (Sharon Leal)

Good relationship....great relationship. This was the one I and SO had the longest discussion on. On the surface we had a great looking couple. They looked and sounded fabulous, great jobs, great kids, great house in the suburbs. SO asked me why I thought despite having a great husband, Dianne had an 'emotional' affair with a colleague at work. I don't really know. I just assumed it was the 'sameness' that often occurs when you have been with someone for a long time. I haven't gotten there yet so really can't comment on it. What I do know is that its more difficult to build a tower than it is to fall from it. This morning we had a long chat. I've never been of the opinion that being in love and loving your spouse prevented you from being attracted to someone else. Its about fireproofing our relationship. No one hopes for a fire but we keep a working smoke alarm and a fire extinguisher just in case. There's this scene where she brings flowers home without a card and lies to her husband about it. We discussed what we thought was appropriate to tell or not tell your spouse. He asked me if I would bring flowers home given to me by another man..I think it depends. Depends under what circumstances they were given. I hope I can always be in my right mind enough not to accept gifts from someone I know admires me. These days I'm a bit more careful in how I relate with members of the opposite sex. If I think they're interested I just move far. SO says, 'don't smell something you're not going to eat, don't do lunch, don't go by, stay as far away from the edge as you can' and I think the same.

I think it was a wonderful family movie to watch. It made me think. I'm really passionate about enriching romantic and marital relationships around me. It just kind of came to me this morning. I really would like to help people see that love and marriage are beautiful words and can still be relevant in the 21st century. We've all made mistakes. I want to learn from mine and grow from mine.

Keep learning..

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